Anger

Anger is not normally an emotional one associates with issues with weight management. But I'm finding today it is affecting the way I feel and the way I want to behave.

I was informed this morning of a decision made in work a few days ago, which essentially takes my team away from me and leaves me no way to complete the work I've been asked to oversee without major delays. I'm so angry at 1) the team being taken away from me, 2)the plain rudeness of not telling me about the matter and 3) the fact that nothing is in place to help me that I'm sat in my office shaking.

I also want to eat.

As a short term measure, I walked back from the meeting the long way around and tried to walk off the adrenaline, but that hasn't worked. I've had my mid morning snack - at about the right time - but I'm still feeling weak, shaky and dizzy - all symptoms of the sheer anger and frustration I'm feeling. I'm having a coffee - which probably isn't helping, but I'm off choccy for Lent - to try and slow my brain down and think about this rationally but it's jsut one more symptom of everything that is wrong with my job here.

But I need to manage the anger now. Yes it's justified. Yes, it's understandable. But it's hurting me right now and no one else to have me feeling this way. So I need to calm down and relax and not scoff my whole lunch as an act of defiance.

Why am I writing this? Cos I need to think it out - and the angry typing is helping - a bit. And I need to record what I'm thinking and how it's affecting me so when I'm in a calmer frame of mind I can assess it and make some plans for next time.

The problem with anger is, it's difficult to prepare for it. It's likely we know what kind of situations are likely to cause us to feel anger, but it's difficult to predict when this will occur. Add this to the fact that if an situation is expected to cause anger then it probably will. The idea that one might get angry predisposes one to feel that emotion (now there's a sentence and a half!! lol) So the idea is to calm oneself in one's mind before entering a situation. Unfortunately that wasn't possible this morning and my reaction was my natural knee jerk reaction. It's causing problems in all sorts of areas for me right now but I can't see any way out...........

For now - well I've had my snack, it's 2hrs til I want to eat lunch and I can keep myself busy til then. I'll disappear for a walk at lunch time to get some fresh air to ease the stress and tension and by the time I need to attend this afternoon's meeting I may be in a better frame of mind.

One thing I am doing si to hit the gym tonight to use up some of the adrenaline - cos I don't think it does any good to leave it racing arounf the system the way it is now!!!