Insomnia

OK So I've been awake since 2:20am. It's now 4:20am. Work is not going to be fun tomorrow.

Things are going around and around in my brain and I think I'm putting myself under too much pressure. So I thought I'd write them out.

1) I'm worried about Al. He is getting better but the depressive episodes are getting worse I think when they happen and it scares me that in only 3months I'll be leaving him alone and I'm not sure how much support he'll have during the week. To mitigate this, I've been looking online for a private psychiatrist to see if I can check up costs, as we think that's the only next step available.

2) I'm worried cos HR have apparently 'lost' 10 of my holidays which means I have to work for two weeks longer than planned. I'm upset about this because I had planned to have a break before starting work in the new place and this will put some extra pressure on me. But even with the holidays they're talking about, I will have a week to get myself sorted out before I start the new job. It's just not really a problem, but a minor irritation. And it may yet be sorted out.......

3) I'm worried about not sleeping. Daft I know, but there you go. The doc has given me sleeping tablets but I don't want to take them at 3am cos I probably wouldn't wake til after the working day was over lol

4) I'm worried that something will crop up and I won't get this job and the old job won't want me back and all will be for nought and I'll be homeless and have to move home.......Now this really is a ridiculous notion cos I know I can do the job, I know there's nothing to stop me doing this job and there's nothing really wrong with my application or my interviews and dammit the company want me so what the hell am I worried about?

All this is whizzing around in my head and it's ridiculous - I know it's ridiculous, and for the love of God most of it I can do nothing about. And the things I can do something about, I am doing something about. The move is a huge opportunity, it's a lot more money, it's a new industry, new company, whole new arena for me to develop into.

The Al thing - the man's 41 yrs old. He can actually look after himself, he's managed this far, but still I feel responsible for him now...........so I need to put things in place before I go rather than worry, and I'm doing that by chasing up the private angle.

So with all that off my chest, I should manage to get to sleep now right?

Well we'll see..........