Weight report

You have lost 1.8 kg in the last 7 days.


Your goal in the last 7 days was to lose 1 kg.

I forgot to post this on Wednesday - good result. In fact very good result considering all the crap I ate at the weekend!!!

here's to managing a decent loss this week as well.Another 0.95kg and I'll be lowest weight I can remember being as an adult!!

Exhaustion

I should really have known better. I went out for an Indian to celebrate a friend's birthday last night. Now Indian food does not agree with me - ever. Late night meals do not agree with me. So it led to an upset tummy in the middle of the night.

Result? I've had about 4hrs sleep and I'm like a zombie in work, trying to figure out whether I need to really go home and get back into bed or whether I can last til lunchtime at least.

If I wasn't leaving in 5 weeks I'd be still home in bed but because I am leaving, I feel I need to show willing - however little work I'm doing while I'm here. My eyes are falling shut, my ears hurt, my tummy is NOT well......all in all, I think I would be better off in bed. But I'm being stubborn.....just for a change!!!

At the minute I'm seriously craving a McDonalds - but I've convinced myself it's going to wait til lunchtime. I've even put said McD's in my diary to eat so I know how much damage it will do but it's not helping matters much at the minute. Not having much food in work isn't the best idea either.......it's leading me to think of the bakery aisle in Asda.........

So, another pot of coffee, maybe a nut bar.......we'll see how it goes!!!

Weight loss holiday

http://www.beyondchocolate.co.uk/downloads/indd_banners.htm

I think it's an interesting concept and one I will be endeavouring to follow. Not that I want to not lose weight, but I want to feel comfortable around food. Yesterday pointed out to me that I am not over comfort eating. I am definitely still in the zone there and not moving anytime soon. I'd forgotten what it felt like to eat and eat and eat and not feel full or satisfied.

This of course should have been a sure sign that I wasn't really hungry but sad and upset cos I've just lost my Nana. So I need to find a way to mourn her productively and not turn into what she would hate to see me as. Part of my problem at the minute is that I have money in the bank cos it's just after payday and I feel flush so I'm not making sensible choices at all regarding food. I think the way to counteract this is to sit down today and plan out some menus for the next few weeks to try and get the spending side of things and therefor the cal counting side of things under control.

I have the makings of lasagne, bolognese, fajitas, casseroles etc in the house all ready to be made and frozen in portions. And with the long weekend coming up I have no excuse to skip a cooking session.

So, this weekend I will be planning how best to not diet on May 6th. Which doesn't mean eating all around me but simply means eating sensibly, healthily and nutritiously, while making sure I'm satisified. And I'm going to see if I can figure out how to add the button to the blog!!! lol

A tribute to my Nana

My Nana died on Friday at about 3am. She'd been sick for a long long time but it was quick at the end. My Mam was with her.

Nana was the grandparent I had the closest relationship with. She was the one who lasted until I had completed my 3rd decade (or nearly so) on this earth. I was her eldest grandchild and I was always her 'little O'. I was always special. I was the one she remembered the longest of the grandchildren.

She worked hard from what I can remember - a farmer's wife in Ireland in the last century did not have what would be considered an easy life, but there was always food on the table and enough money for grandad to have a pint in Ennis when he went in. There were always biccies and cake in the press. There were always calves in the field and fresh milk and cows to play with and bulls to avoid and the veg patch to tend to.........

There were meadows and fields around to play in and get lost in, sheep to be counted and country roads to wander down.

A special treat was going into town with nana. She'd be pottering about the local town and getting her bits and pieces - and I was always introduced as 'Mary's eldest, our little O'.When we went to town, I'd always get a Cadbury's Dairy Milk or an icecream - from the fridge, not the machine. And more often than not, get the chocolate all down my front as well.

In later years, I drove her to town to see people, and take her for a brandy or a whiskey in the snug or maybe even lunch if i was feeling flush. I remember on one occasion Mam took us both to Doolin for an evening with dancing and music and nana looked so young and happy.

She hated me wearing jeans and Docs - as a teenager I lived in them - and of course what did Nana know about fashion. As I grew older I'd like to think she appreciate my developing dress sense!! She herself never wore trousers - they were mens clothes, and not for her. She always preferred Mam and I in dresses or skirts - so that's what we wore to the funeral.

In the last few years, her mind started wandering. She was getting old and had Parkinsons and wasn't able to get out of bed. The nurses in the home she was in were so good to her and so patient - talking to her was difficult, especially since she was prone to cmoing out with truths it was normally considered more polite to not voice. But as an old woman she had the right to say what she thought I suppose.

I miss her so much. Visits home just won't be the same not seeing her and not listening to her talk.

Maureen McKey (neé Hynes) 1922 - 2010

The week/weekend

OK no post in a week. There are a few reasons for that.

1) I'm finding I'm struggling in work at the minute. Motivation isn't really that high and it's not being helped by the fact I'm being marginalised and stuck to one side in a lot of issues. The daily schedule on the Beck thing is helping but I'm still finding it difficulty.

2) I was ill on Friday - was up vomiting and the other end all night and most of the morning. Meant Friday was a write off in terms of food or following the plan.

3) I had a very busy weekend. Didn't stick to the plan all the time but on the whole I don't think I did too badly. More detail on the weekend to follow.

4) After the weekend I was exhausted yesterday. really exhausted - overeating central I was so tired. But I did log it all so I know where I am. Which is good.

Some things I need to focus on are:

• I thought this weekend would be a complete disaster for my self esteem. I went to a christening where my ex was one of the godfathers and it was upsetting me for most of the week. Preying on my mind was the fact that his new gf was going to be there and I was alone cos Al couldn't come. And how I would react to seeing him again. Well I did really well. OK so I was shaking on the way to the church but you know what - I acted like a lady. I wasn't rude or impolite and I didn't fall to pieces. And I think he's getting the message. Finally. And I looked good!!!! As in really good - my new blue dress made me look awesome.
• I'm a lot lighter now than I was the last time any of that lot saw me. At least 10kg lighter if not more. So I got a lot of compliments and praise for that :)
• I logged all my food - as best I could. Buffets are hard to assess and I think I may have left some thnigs out and added in extra of others but no matter, I did the best I could in the circumstances.
• I enjoyed myself Sat night. I had a relatively good time for the first part of the night just listening to the lads singing and all the rest, and for the second part - well the little snit that tried to upset me didn't. She didn't like strange women getting any attention from 'her' men but that's life sometimes. It's not like I'm letting someone like that drive me down the road to ruin. Plus even though she was skinnier than I am, I looked better than she did. A pleasant demeanour works wonders!!!
• I was so tired yesterday I didn't allow myself time to follow the plan. But that's ok cos I've rectified it this morning. And I know the overeating was due to exhaustion - the only other response would've been to take the day off work and that isn't possible right now. I feel better today and I have my food planned so things are good.
• I've put together my pain scale. It was difficult but I did it. And I've been lucky in life, I've never suffered the excruciating pain that never leaves you - I'ev managed to water down all my painful memories so they don't hit me as hard anymore. I'm slowly laying all those ghosts to rest!!

All in all it's been a good week but I need to take some things away from it.

1. I must try not to get so tired - I can't focus on anything when I'm that tired and it means my eating goes haywire.
2. I can achieve great results when I put my mind to it. When I can face down that creature and not obviously react, I can do anything. he didn't effect me, he didn't drive me to food or drink, I didn't spend all night stressing over him. he has lost his power over me.
3. If those memories have lost their power, then others will eventually too. I just have to keep living.
4. I eat a lot better when I have control over my food. That might seem obvious, but it's an important point to make.
5. I need to make plans to deal with weekends where I'm ill or tired now. I know how it effects me, and it isn't always possible to avoid being ill or tired so I need to think about strategies to deal with it.
6. Hunger isn't the enemy. It's not a friend, but neither is it an enemy. It just is.

OK that's a long one. But it's important for me to record this I think.

The weekend

I found Saturday a great day - I came in under cals, I did a lot of exercise, I generally enjoyed myself.

yesterday was pretty much the oppposite. I slept so late it wasn't funny but it was such a broken sleep I felt exhausted. I ate a lot of chocolate that I couldn't even taste in the end. I didn't eat slowly and mindfully, I definitely ate mindlessly. I don't know what was wrong with me at all.

I ended up 900+cals over my daily allowance. Now over the week, 1000cals isn't a huge deal - technically it should amount to a difference of 143g over the week. But I know my body doesn't work that way, I know my body sees a blow out like this and thinks it now needs to hang on for dear life to every single cal and convert it into fat.

I'm feeling fairly down and depressed about yesterday. I'm not sure why it happened, I can't think why I felt like that...........It may have had something to do with staying over in Al's but I don't know. I tend to have air flowing through the house at all times and have the place semi cold, he tends towards the other direction. he also closes over his bedroom door at night which means the air gets really stuffy and I find it hard to breathe - or indeed wake up without a headache........

Maybe I need to talk to him about this,..........I've discussed the diet lark with him but because he doesn't really need to lose weight or watch what he eats, he doesn't automatically check before he offers me something - like chocolate or crisps or something. He assumes if I don't want them, I can say no and if I do want them it's ok to eat them.............I'm not sure. I'll have to think of something because this is important to me and I am going to succeed at it!!!

Beck Diet Solution - week 1 & Day 8

OK so technically I suppose this should be two posts but I have another post I want to write today so I'll squish these two into one.

Week one of the diet solution. Well, I'm not noticing any major changes as yet. Partly this may be because I had already started to do some of these things, and partly because I don't realise the full impact of the activities or I haven't implemented them fully yet.

Over the weekend I found it difficult. One of the tasks was to implement changes in the house and workplace to encourage good dieting behaviour. I'm unsure what to do with this, mainly because, my house and workplace are already designed around my needs and I'm not sure what to change to facilitate further effective behaviours. In the end I decided that mental health is as important as physical health so I'm engaging in a major declutter over the next few weeks. OK so this isn't exactly as the diet solution asks but it's my way of making the commitment!!

Day 8. Scheduling time for Dieting. This is a bit more difficult. I can plan to a certain extent a few days in advance - but all it takes is a few minor blips and that's the plan out the window. Over the years of dieting, I have developed a flexible plan approach. I make my plans, and then have back up plans for when I need them.

So I've broadened this a little bit. I know I find it easier to exercise when I do it straight after work, so I bring my gym kit in the car with me every day now. If I don't exercise then, it gets more and more difficult at the day goes on to get off the couch - the notion of a sit down after work, just isn't acceptable to me. So for 2 hours after work I can allocate time for exercise. When you take into account getting to the gym, showering, getting home, 2hrs gives me ~90mins of exercise. Now I can't do this every day so I need to find something productive to do with my time outside of exercise on the days I don't go to the gym. I'm thinking of doing an OU course in nutrition at the minute to see if that would help me understand various things. We'll see.

So there you go. Week one and day eight all in one go :)

Giving myself credit

Today's assignment in the Beck Diet solution is to give myself credit for things I've achieved. This comes extremely hard for me because I can be extremely self critical - to the point where I don't even notice the voice in my head - it jsut seems like it's my own thoughts.......which technically it is but they aren't even vocalised anymore.

So, I need to come up with plans to make sure I do take credit for things I do well. Instead of thinking of all the things that I haven't done yet for the diet, I need to think of the things I have done.

* I have read my advantages card every day, twice a day
* I have eaten sitting down for every meal yesterday and this morning
* I have tidied the dining room and living room to make them pleasant places to eat
* I have cooked a nutritious and healthy dinner for 2 nights on the trot
* I have kept inside my cals yesterday
* I have done exercise even though my class was cancelled

All these things are good things, things that I deserve credit for doing. Things that if it were someone else I would be egging them on, telling them how great they were being. So why can't I do that for myself???

I will have to try. Today I have two tasks for myself

1) Get a notebook I can call a diet noebook
2) Email my coach and explain what the hell this is all about

Now there's no major problem doing either of these so this is good. They are achieveable tasks. I can do them. I will do them.

And I'll be posting later to say I have done them!!!

Gained :(

You have gained 2.6 kg in the last 14 days.


Your goal in the last 14 days was to lose 2 kg.

This is not the result you were looking for but don’t be disheartened. The most important thing is to make sure you complete your food diary as often and as accurately as you can. This will help you to identify areas where you can make changes that will make a difference.

OK so 2.6kg is not the end of the world. It wipes out any loss I may have had in March but still not the end of the world. And I can relose that. I want that 2.6kg gone out of my life. It's like cutting off deadwood - it elaves teh rest of the body free to prosper and achieve what it needs to achieve.

Today's task on the Beck Diet Solution is to eat 100% of my meals sitting down. Now while I already eat sitting down about 90% of the time, I have a dodgy habit of eating on teh couch rather than the table. So today when I go home, I'm going to clear off the table, tidy up the dining room area and declutter it, and make the dining table a pleasant place to eat. I was half way there until the half way through March when things went mental so it's time to get back on track. So that's today's task.

I've also got my first spin class tonight - a bit scared bout that, but it will help my cycling with a bit of luck :) I need to do a run tonight as well, but I may skip the weights - I don't want to seriously upset my system :)

So - home by 3:30, get ready for the gym, tidy the dining room and declutter, make dinner and off to the gym for 6:30. (Class isn't til 7 but I think I feel more comfortable getting there early the first time at least!!)

March round up

Well March was a bit of a miss rather than a hit. I think I've put weight on rather than lost it this month but I'm addressing that already.

So, it wasn't the best of months but it wasn't the worst either. And I know the next few months are going to be easier now. It's a downhill road to the first week in June so I can look forward to that :)

No point in going over my emotions and feelings for March but it will be better from now on.

The Beck Diet Solution

I started this today. OK so technically it should've been yesterday but there you go - life's like that!!

One of the first exercises I had to do was to list the reasons I want to lose weight and post them in visible places where I can access them. I've three paper copies but I figured this is as good a place as any. So here you go :)

* I’ll look better and more attractive


* I’ll be able to wear a smaller clothes size

* I’ll fit into more fashionable clothing

* I’ll be able to buy some fancy new underwear

* I’ll feel happier when I look in the mirror

* I’ll enjoy trying on clothes

* I’ll feel better in swimming togs

* I’ll feel better physically

* I’ll have more energy

* I’ll like myself better

* I’ll feel as if I’ve accomplished something important

* I’ll be less self-critical

* My family won’t remark about my weight or my eating

* I’ll be more comfortable eating in front of others

* I’ll be healthier

* I’ll be more comfortable in my own skin

* People won’t pigeon hole me as the ‘fat chick’

* I’ll have a more balanced approach to life

 
So my next step for today is to pick two diets that are sensible and nutritious....I've chosen wlr and Dr D'Adamo's Blood Type diet (if you google it it comes up with lots of info on it). For my back up I've got Paul McKenna's I Can Make You Thin. (Again google it :))

I think the combination of wlr and the blood type diet will work well as neither of them are restrictive or threatening.........

Next step for tomorrow is to eat sitting down - something I do a lot anyway, but I think I need to make it official :)