Sick

Sore throat. sore ears. Headache. Misery generally.

I was meant to have a gym review today - but I was an hour late for it. I felt so miserable and upset and the gym lady really really didn't seem to understand what the hell was going on with me - I could see her thinking, how the hell can you put on a stone without noticing??? Well it's pretty easy actually.........I've done it at least 6 times now..........and every time it's a shock.

I came home, got on the phone to Al and burst into tears. And then I realised - her attitude is NOT my problem. Just cos she doesn't undertand the mindset pr the thinking behind all of this - not my issue. It's hers.

Now I'm away on a course from tomorrow night on and normally this would be a sign to not worry bout weight/food for the rest of the week. But I'm making a stand. I am saying enough. There's free wi fi in the hotel so I can bring my laptop and keep up to date with everything. I can log my food. I can keep track. I can bring some exercise equipment with me and do some exercise even if the place doesn't have a gym. I can keep on track. Enough is enough.

I'm tired of being the big one. The jolly one. The happy one. The lonely one. The alone one. The self conscious one. That's not me really, not inside my head. So I have some nice clothes to wear this week that will make me feel good and I will wear them. I'm worth it. And I can walk to and from the course from the hotel every day. I can get that two mile walk in every day. I can present myself in a way that will make me happy.

This is life. This is what happens and this is how you pick yourself up every single time.

There's no second chance at life so take what comes and run with it!!!!